Little Proofs
June 30, 2024In the past few months, I’ve been searching for my younger self—the girl who boldly ventured into the world, unafraid of failure or judgment. She made things for herself and leaned into everything that sparked her interest. It never crossed her mind whether people would find it cringey or not, good or not.
Before making it into a livelhihood, I remember writing and taking photos of things I was curious about. I documented my life because I felt time passing and knew the world I was familiar with would inevitably change. I shared these on my online journal (then Blogspot) because writing, taking photos, and organizing them into stories felt like carving out my own space in the world.
Eventually, I stopped sharing online but continued writing in my analog diary—my musings, what I learned that month, new recipes I tried, quotes from books I read, my every day.
Since my last entry in my old blog in 2017, a lot has happened - living in Europe, receiving a scholarship for my master’s in documentary filmmaking, changing careers, developing anxiety (rooted in perfectionism) - and slowly healing - then moving back to the Philippines and finally saying goodbye the city to live in a small town in an island, adopting a rescued kitten… and getting married.
Typing these out feels so wild, like writing about someone else’s life, except it’s mine. This is why I documented things before. It kept me grounded and helped me savor every corner of life I paid attention to.
I’ve been meaning to write and make things again for myself, like I did when I was younger—making imperfect things that bring me genuine joy. I’m simply documenting this little experiment as a way back to myself, capturing the little proofs that one has lived.
This morning, I foraged some Wild Coffee branches and Flame of the Woods flowers along our street for my ikebana class. I could have thought of several ways I should have done differently to improve my work, the way I prodded myself before, but today I chose to be happy with what I made. I think it’s cute and I like it.
And sharing this here makes me feel brave again.
I’ll be uploading more regularly from now on, sharing experiments in creative playfulness, musings, personal history, curiosities, and insights into life on the island.